Bible Reader: Praise God! I have been healing the sick, healing the sick, healing the sick, healing the sick, healing the sick, and preaching the gospel (Matthew 11:5) ever since I accepted Jesus (Colossians 2:6) and asked him into my heart (Ephesians 3:17).

Christian Otaku: Heretic! You are preaching a counterfeit gospel like Jesus! Your gospel of healing is what’s wrong with the church today. And you just can’t “accept” Jesus and ask him into your heart. I don’t care what Paul said. Even if you are ready, you are supposed to seek, seek, seek, agonize, doubt, seek, pray, seek, get depressed like the Puritans, agonize, doubt, seek, get assurance, then lose it, then seek, seek, pray, get depressed…well, like Jesus said, seek and you might find if you’re lucky.

Bible Reader: I did seek. Then I found. And I discovered that it was Christ who found me. Praise God!

Christian Otaku : Shut up! False convert!!! You just made a “decision”!

Bible Reader: Yes, I did. When I heard the gospel, it was as if God called me to choose between life and death. I counted the cost and made the decision to follow Christ, over thirty years ago, and I never looked back. Then I discovered that I was not the one who chose him, but he was the one who chose me and died for me! An instant decision is not necessarily false, and extensive seeking does not necessarily mean you are sincere or that you will not fall away. Whether you make a decision that lasts a lifetime, or whether you come to Christ after long seeking, why don’t you stop making up things to regulate people and come serve the gospel with me from now on?

Christian Otaku : You are using a straw man to attack me.

Bible Reader: I wish. Then we would not really have this rift between us. And don’t you see that of all the people, you are the one attacking others the most? All my criticisms would not amount to a tenth of what you inflict on people. The truth is that many “decisions” for Christ are indeed genuine and permanent, but they don’t happen as often among you because your preaching is so weak in power, because you so quench the Spirit of God, and your people are so hard-hearted. This is why your conversions, if they are real in the first place, are always dragged out. It is not because they are more serious or informed.

Christian Otaku : I really don’t care about Jesus, but I feel a debate coming up and I am getting so aroused. Let’s come over to my place on social media.

Bible Reader: Eww. Stop.