Non-Christian: “You Christians are inconsistent and hypocritical on the death penalty.”

Vincent: “How so?”

N: “Your Bible says, ‘You shall not murder,’ but you support the death penalty. You claim to be pro-life, and oppose abortion, but you kill criminals.”

V: “The command forbids murder. If you will notice when the Bible forbids us to kill, and when it commands us to kill, you will see that the definition of murder is the deliberate termination of a human life without divine sanction. When a person commits a crime worthy of death, he is given a fair trial and then executed.”

N: “That’s barbaric!”

V: “Yes, the fair trial is an ancient practice…I am joking. Anyway, that is not murder, because it is carried out in response to the person’s crime, and it is a punishment commanded by God.”

N: “I was not aware of this distinction. I will have to think about this.”

V: “How do you deal with criminals?”

N: “Oh, we put them in prison.”

V: “Are they happy to go with you?”

N: “Of course not.”

V: “Then how is it not kidnapping?”

N: “What?”

V: “If execution is murder, then how is incarceration not kidnapping?”

N: “Um…”

V: “So when someone breaks the law, you grab him and put him in a cage?”

N: “Pretty much. We make them wear what we pick out for them. Then sometimes we let them out to eat and play while we watch.”

V: “Why, you people are a bunch of sickos, aren’t you?”