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Here are some biblical principles when it comes to making, keeping, and breaking promises:

1. Do not make unconsidered or unnecessary promises.
2. If you have made a promise, then keep it.
3. If the promise turns out to be unfavorable to you, you should still keep it (Psalm 15:4).

These are sufficient to cover many cases, but there are others that cover additional scenarios:

4. If a person has authority over you in a situation, he has the right to prevent you from making a promise, or to annul a promise after you have made it.
5. If a promise violates God’s word (so that you should not have made it), then depending on the nature of the promise, there are times when you would still have to keep it, while at other times, you would be forbidden to keep it.

Many people already know principles 1 to 3 and their biblical basis, so I will elaborate on 4 and 5.

Some biblical passages are “case laws,” similar to the idea of precedence in our legal system. Their applications are not limited to the immediate context, but they establish the principles on how similar cases should be judged.

For example, Paul cites “Do not muzzle an ox” as a case law and uses it to declare that a minister has the right to receive money from the people who are exposed to his spiritual labor:

Who serves as a soldier at his own expense? Who plants a vineyard and does not eat of its grapes? Who tends a flock and does not drink of the milk? Do I say this merely from a human point of view? Doesn’t the Law say the same thing? For it is written in the Law of Moses: “Do not muzzle an ox while it is treading out the grain.” Is it about oxen that God is concerned? Surely he says this for us, doesn’t he? Yes, this was written for us, because when the plowman plows and the thresher threshes, they ought to do so in the hope of sharing in the harvest. If we have sown spiritual seed among you, is it too much if we reap a material harvest from you? (1 Corinthians 9:7–11)

Principle 4 is rarely taught. One relevant passage is Numbers 30:1-16:

Moses said to the heads of the tribes of Israel: “This is what the LORD commands: When a man makes a vow to the LORD or takes an oath to obligate himself by a pledge, he must not break his word but must do everything he said.

“When a young woman still living in her father’s house makes a vow to the LORD or obligates herself by a pledge and her father hears about her vow or pledge but says nothing to her, then all her vows and every pledge by which she obligated herself will stand. But if her father forbids her when he hears about it, none of her vows or the pledges by which she obligated herself will stand; the LORD will release her because her father has forbidden her.

“If she marries after she makes a vow or after her lips utter a rash promise by which she obligates herself and her husband hears about it but says nothing to her, then her vows or the pledges by which she obligated herself will stand. But if her husband forbids her when he hears about it, he nullifies the vow that obligates her or the rash promise by which she obligates herself, and the LORD will release her.

“Any vow or obligation taken by a widow or divorced woman will be binding on her.

“If a woman living with her husband makes a vow or obligates herself by a pledge under oath and her husband hears about it but says nothing to her and does not forbid her, then all her vows or the pledges by which she obligated herself will stand. But if her husband nullifies them when he hears about them, then none of the vows or pledges that came from her lips will stand. Her husband has nullified them, and the LORD will release her. Her husband may confirm or nullify any vow she makes or any sworn pledge to deny herself. But if her husband says nothing to her about it from day to day, then he confirms all her vows or the pledges binding on her. He confirms them by saying nothing to her when he hears about them. If, however, he nullifies them some time after he hears about them, then he is responsible for her guilt.”

These are the regulations the LORD gave Moses concerning relationships between a man and his wife, and between a father and his young daughter still living in his house.

This is directly applicable to Christians. Moreover, although it refers to “a vow to the LORD,” the principles are true for all kinds of promises, because the passage is God’s command “concerning relationships between a man and his wife, and between a father and his young daughter still living in his house.” Thus this is not only applicable, but it is even more obviously applicable than some of the case laws.[1]

Let us consider an illustration.

Suppose a relative or a friend of a married woman wishes to borrow money. The woman has no right to promise a loan without first asking her husband. If the woman nevertheless promises the loan and the husband is present, then he has the right to immediately nullify the promise. The husband has not sinned by nullifying the promise illegitimately made by the wife, and the wife would not sin by withholding the loan that she has initially promised, since the husband has nullified the promise. Still, the wife has sinned by making the promise without asking her husband. If the woman promises the loan and her husband is not present, then he has the right to nullify the promise once he hears about it.

If the husband says nothing when he hears the promise, then it is as if he has given his approval and confirmed the promise. Both the husband and the wife are then obligated to fulfill the promise and grant the loan. If the husband changes his mind and decides to withhold the loan once he has confirmed the promise, then he commits sin, and it is as if he has personally made and then broken the promise. In this case, the wife should obey the husband and withhold the loan – she does not sin by doing this, but the blame falls on her husband. But if the wife decides to fulfill the promise even after the husband has changed his mind, then both the husband and the wife commit sin – he sins by breaking the promise, and she sins by disobeying her husband.

The husband has the right to promise the loan without first discussing it with his wife. However, to show love and respect for his wife, to maintain the trust and intimacy in the marriage, and to maintain order in the home, he should discuss it with his wife anyway, and he should usually make the promise only if they both agree to it. The final decision rests with the husband.

The husband carries tremendous authority, but also a corresponding degree of responsibility. It is up to him to assess whether the family can afford to offer the loan, and to ascertain the spiritual and social consequences of making the promise. If he makes or confirms the promise, and then if the family suffers because the needed money has been lent out, the blame falls on the husband, not the wife.

Some wives are better than their husbands at analyzing the family’s financial situation. In these cases, the husbands should acknowledge this, and discuss the matter with their wives, and then make their decision. But whether or not the husbands consult their wives, they must make the final decision and assume the moral responsibility for it. They have the greatest authority in the home, and they bear the greatest responsibility for what happens in it.

We have used the marriage relationship and a loan in the example, but the principle applies also to the relationship between a father and an unmarried daughter, and to other kinds of promises.

Principle 5 is easy to explain and illustrate.

One of the main issues is whether we should always keep every promise that we make no matter what. The answer is that we should not, because some promises are nullified by a higher authority, and some are morally wrong to keep. However, this does not always mean that we do not sin when we must break a promise for a legitimate reason. In many cases, we have already sinned in making the promise, but to keep that promise would be to commit another sin, and we cannot undo one sin by committing another one.

If I promise to commit robbery or murder for someone, then of course I must not keep that promise. It would be a sin to make the promise, and then it would be an additional sin and a greater sin to keep it. Rather, I should repent for making the promise, and then I should not carry out the promise.

Suppose you make a promise in the name of your company when you have no authority to make that promise, then you have already done wrong by making the promise, but it would be an additional and a greater wrong to steal the company’s resources to keep a promise that you have no right to make. The company has authority over whether you could carry out the promise, and to protect its reputation, it might honor the promise anyway, but it is not morally obligated to do so.

God has authority over every promise. He tells us his judgment in the Bible; therefore, the Bible has authority over every promise. Then, in various situations, some human figures might have authority over our promises, such as parents, husbands, fathers, pastors, and employers.

Nevertheless, it does not follow that you should break every promise that you have no right to make. For example, it is an abomination for a Christian to marry a non-Christian, but it would be an additional sin for the Christian to divorce the non-Christian once the two are married. Although God denounces the sinful marriage from the spiritual and ethical perspective, he is the author of all things and he is still the one who oversees this marriage, and what he has joined together, let no man put asunder (1 Corinthians 7:12–13).[2]

Principles 4 and 5 should not complicate things so much that 1 to 3 become obscured. In fact, 1 and 2 are sufficient to address most situations.

Then, some promises might not be outright sinful, but they are unwise, and the Bible says that you should beg to be released from them. One example is when you co-sign someone’s loan:

My son, if you have put up security for your neighbor, if you have struck hands in pledge for another, if you have been trapped by what you said, ensnared by the words of your mouth, then do this, my son, to free yourself, since you have fallen into your neighbor’s hands: Go and humble yourself; press your plea with your neighbor! Allow no sleep to your eyes, no slumber to your eyelids. Free yourself, like a gazelle from the hand of the hunter, like a bird from the snare of the fowler. (Proverbs 6:1–5)

My father frequently dealt with contracts and documents in his profession. And since I was only several years old, he told me repeatedly that I must never guarantee someone’s loan. He was speaking from experience, but in this instance he did something that was biblical – he taught me a correct principle, and he did it when I was very young.

In Proverbs, the writer teaches his child some of the basic lessons of living, and this is one of them – never guarantee someone’s loan, and if you have already done it, beg to get out of it. It is never too early to warn your child against drunkenness, adultery, co-signing, and other things that people often regard as “adult” lessons. Start to teach your child these things when he is three or four, and repeat them often.

[1] Concerning the relevance of the law to Christians, see Vincent Cheung Commentary on Ephesians and The Sermon on the Mount. For more on the authority structure in the home, see Vincent Cheung Commentary on Ephesians and Renewing the Mind.

[2] See Vincent Cheung, The Sermon on the Mount.